OK ... First let me say that I totally understand that each person in this world has their own level of problems in which they see as serious and can or can not handle. I fully understand that just because I see something as a big deal doesn't mean that it truly is, or that a friends issues are insignificant when come compared to mine. I do sincerely get this.
Now with that stated I do need to vent some of my frustrations in order to avoid murdering anyone. Right now my life sucks, and my bipolar self am having all I can do to keep moving. I hate every aspect of my life, and really wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make me disappear.
I right now am being very self center and am having a "its all about me and my shitty life" moment. I want to be left alone (so that I don't offend or get offended). I don't want to do more than I have to do. I just want to get through each day and then drop on my couch and either cry myself to sleep or stare at my ceiling for hours. I don't want any one near me. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...... I can't have that.
NOPE, I always have to have someone who has to come into my world and play the "my life sucks more than your life" game. You know what even if your life does suck more why does it have to be a fucking pissing contest. OK, you have more bills than I do, god for you ...but at least you got job to pay for those bills. Or yeah you might have alot of work to do ......but I do my work with two children running around me. Or you might drive me and my children everywhere ..... but you get to walk into my home like you fucking own it, eat my food, yell at my kids, and on top of that you get to live, so life is not so bad for you. See ......Why does everything always seem to come down to a pissing contest ... its either who is better than who, or whose life sucks more. REALLY.... are you that obsess with me and my life that you are not happy now if I suck more than you. (FYI ... this is not just one person either, there are a few people this refers too)
I am to the point where I want to smack someone. I hate when someone tells me I have no reason to be miserable and they are tired of hearing me and than they have the balls to complain about something stupid in their life... like having their cable go out for an hour due to cable company error. Yeah that is so much more of a serious issue when compared to the hole in my ceiling. And if you hate seeing and hearing me be all depressed and angry than maybe you should just stay the fuck away from me!!! Maybe I am extremely overly emotional right now, but I truly want to take this crazy bipolar ass of mine across the room and murder people. If the people in my world insist on being jerks, why cant they just stay away and leave me alone.
OK my rant is done .... feel better now ... bipolar moment over ;)
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