63 DAYS
It’s been another 22 days, and a grand total of 63 days.
Well 10 days ago I did break down and buy a pack of cigarettes, I felt some guilt but I did smoke it. It took me three days to go through the pack, which amazed me, since I use to smoke a pack and a half in a day.
On Saturday I broke down yet again and hit my neighbor up for a cigarette. I was having a really bad day emotionally, plus was stressing over my homework load. I by no means am saying this is a valid excuse, because I know it is not. However, it is the reason as to why I broke down and gave in. I find that on extremely stressful days (especially if it is mentally and emotionally stressful) I have a hard time fighting my urge. This is where I need to sit down and start to focus. This is the hurdle I need to overcome right now. How do I deal with my stress without breaking down and smoking? I have yet to develop an answer, but am trying to figure it out.
The good thing, in a weird way, is that I actually felt sick as I was smoking that last cigarette. By the time I finished it, I was light headed and truly felt as if I was ready to throw up. The addict in me does not like to throw up, so I think if I can keep that moment in my head the next time I feel an urge to go and bum a cigarette, it should be enough to deter me. Let's hope it is and does.
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